A few weeks ago while on vacation for Labor Day with a large, very large actually, group of friends, the unthinkable happened.
Almost like a scene out of a movie, I awoke to the sounds my friends screaming and crying up stairs in the house we were renting for the weekend.
As I took a, what seemed like forever, walk up the stairs, my still half a sleep brain struggled to comprehend what was actually happening. As I made it to the top, scanning the room for the familiar faces I had heard moments before, the words "she's dead, she's dead" kept bouncing from one wall to the other.
Still in a state of disbelief and struggling to awaken myself from this unfolding nightmare, I walked in one of the bed rooms only to find my friend laying on her bed, beaten so severely that she was no longer of this world.
The events that had unfolded only hours before,(a short time before everyone else had returned "home" from a night of drinking and dancing at the local beach bar) still seem so unreal to me.
Even though I know she is gone, I still can't fully wrap my brain around the fact that she did indeed face a challenger she could not overcome. The man that she had lived with for the past 7 years, the man she had committed her life to, had taken hers. In a drunken rage, he had done the unthinkable.
He had killed her. And then he ran.
The constant thoughts of "what if" have consumed me ever since. There were children in the house, ranging in age from 5 to 16 years old. I arrived in the house shortly after he had gone on his rampage. I walked past the room where my friend lay, dying on her bed.
What if one of the children had woken up and wondered upstairs?
What if he had come out and seen me?
What if I had arrived home a few minutes earlier?
What if I had never left?
What if?
My friends and I are returning this weekend to within just a few miles of where this tragedy took place, to compete in the tournament we were supposed to be preparing for that faithful Labor Day weekend.
All of the fears I have I've kept hidden thus far. But returning this weekend I don't know that I'll be able to that anymore.
I'm scared.
I'm scared of how I will react.
I'm scared of how these "hidden fears" will continue to affect me.
What if I don't go?
What if I do go?
I have a less than 48 hours to decide.
What if.
Piekny
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3 comments:
Maybe going back and having a completely different experience will be helpful in the "moving on" process.
It's a horrible story and I'm so sorry it had to happen to you. It's frightening the way these random acts of violence pop up when we least expect it and it makes you value your loved ones and your life even more.
Avery
Thank you Avery, that means more to me than you will ever know.
Oh my God! That's horrible.
Has the guy been arrested yet?
I've never understood how men can abuse their wives/girlfriends. It seems such a foreign concept to me, and when I find out about it happening to a friend, it makes ME want to fly into a murderous rage and go after the asshole who's beating her. It's really depressing just how many of my female friends have suffered at the hands of someone they loved. I hope it never happens to you.
Ian
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